To liken life to a game of cards
may seem off, but sometimes it’s the simplest comparison you can give. In every
game of cards, a hand is dealt. And the hand that is dealt is always different.
Gamblers are a good authority on card games because they know how important
each hand is - they have a lot at stake.
Life is a lot like this. It deals
us a different hand with every turning season. Sometimes we find ourselves with
the best hand ever dealt, but there is always that bad hand that sends us into
a downward spiral that leads us to darkness.
There’s rarely anything good
about darkness in our lives. It is a place where we are lost, confused,
desperate, hurting, angry, bitter, broken and most of all alone. It is
something we must go through. That’s just how life is. When we go through this
stage, we find people along the way to help us and we make it through. But what
happens when in your darkness you simply can’t reach out to anyone?
What happens when you have to go
through it alone? That’s a scary place to be. When everything falls apart and
you feel like the world is caving in on you. When the people you could have
turned to leave you wounded and you can’t turn to them. When you find others to
fill in for them and all they do is leave you worse than you were before. When it
seems like everywhere you go, all people do is put you down and add to the
burden that you already have. When there is so much pain and hurt and tears
that it leaves you depressed but you put on a brave face for the rest of the
world to see. And you don’t understand why no-one and nothing will give you a
break. When friendships go out the window, your workplace/career becomes a
hellish experience with each passing day. The things that made you so happy
become the source of sorrow. The very same things, the very same people? How is
that possible?
So in that darkness, you look for
things to make you happy and when that doesn’t work, you look for things to distract
you and keep you from dealing with the issues at hand. One thing is for sure,
NOTHING can get you out of that place. Not even the people who say they will
stand by you. So each day you retire to your isolated place and all you can do
is cry until it hurts. Because the tears won’t stop coming and even after they
stop, the pain won’t go away. You ask yourself, why won’t this darkness go
away? What have I done to deserve this? Why me? Why are my tormentors getting away
scot free when I’m here suffering? Why? What is there to live for when
everything you hold dear falls apart and there’s nothing you can do to salvage
it?
The rest of the world goes on
with their lives and they’re happy and having fun but you can’t seem to get out
of the rut that you’re in. They don’t understand what your problem is and more
often than not, they don’t take time to understand. Questions start coming up
and keep racing through your head. How did you get here in the first place? And
so you look for who’s to blame but you realize that list goes on for days. And so
you get even more frustrated and helpless. And what you feel, the depth of the
hurt, is even worse. You can’t even trace where the hurt begins and you
certainly can’t see where it ends.
That’s how darkness feels. It consumes
you so much you have no idea who you are anymore. Or rather, it makes you
forget who you are. You forget. You can’t see what others see, because it won’t
let you. You’re helpless, hopeless, faithless, in a dry desert looking for an
oasis that you can’t find. Thirsting for water that you haven’t seen in days,
months, even years. So you crawl back to your isolated space and you never want
to leave. You shut everything and everyone out because they will never get it. Why
should they? It is your darkness, not theirs. It is YOUR darkness.
Darkness is a scary thing when
you have to go through it all alone. If you don’t know where to find your
source of light, it consumes you until you are no more. You’re alive, the days are
passing by before your very eyes, yet your life is at a standstill. You discover
the hard way that everything you once held dear means nothing anymore. Not in
this place. You have to figure things out on your own, you have to find your
own way.
But if you remain in that
darkness long enough and alone enough, you begin to learn a few things. You begin
to see that your foundation has always been the problem. You begin to see that
sometimes where you are is your fault, even if not entirely. And that’s a hard
truth to accept. But the moment you accept it, then you begin to find your way
out of it.
In the midst of darkness, if you’re
quiet and still enough and desperate enough, you find that you’re not all
alone. Your friends, your family, your job….. Those are not the things that you
find solace in. In the midst of the darkness, you meet The One who gave you
life. The one who brings meaning to it because truth be told all these other
things, they never remain the same. He speaks to you. How do know it’s Him? You
know it’s Him because His is the only voice that will guide you to safety and
not to ruin. And you find relief, release, peace and joy. Sometimes the only
reason we go through this darkness is so that we can encounter God. And an encounter
with Him changes everything.
In the midst of your darkness,
whom do you hear?
